Gone, Now and Forever
by shan-chan2
Summary: someone has died and iit has had a big impact on the main character. very sad! grab your tissues people! please R&R!


I'm doing well I think, two in one day is a first for me ^-^ just a few things before you start this: grab the nearest box of Kleenex. Major angst warning, suicide, and that's about all. Oh BTW, it's a mystery who is actually telling the story; you have to read it to find out. 

**_DISCLAIMER:_** don't own it, never have; if I did then I would make this a second movie or something. 

**_Warnings:_** Angst, suicide that's about it. Slight yaoi. 

**_Gone, Now and Forever._**

I watched him. I watched him every day. Does he know I love him? Does he know that I worship the very ground he walks on? Does he know that I cry out his name in my sleep under the influence of erotic dreams? 

I don't think he does. I don't think he loves me. He never calls me by my name, let alone in a dream state of erotica. He probably treats the very ground I walk on like what it is; dirt. 

I hate him for that. I hate how he brushes me off. I hate the way he makes me feel, I'm not meant to feel! I hate his eyes most of all, devoid of all emotion, empty and hollow like he left me. 

All alone. 

Gone forever. 

Was it any surprise that he died? Was it any surprise that he died the day I was going to tell him? 

I ran out after him, chased him. He ignored me. He always did that. 

That was the last time I saw him alive. 

And now, I am sitting here, it is before his funeral. I am reading the diary he kept, every word making me cry. How could I have been so stupid? Finally, I have come to the last page he ever wrote: 

_I love him. I always have. But this time I fear that I am not coming back. If you are reading this now, I just want you to know I love you Now and Forever._

I can't control it now, the tears streamed from my eyes. I clutched the diary to my chest, hoping that some how this was all just a dream and that I would wake up tomorrow and he would be there. But this can't be a dream. It hurts too much. Dreams aren't meant to hurt. Not like this. 

I am at the funeral now. I can see his coffin, even though I won't go up to it. I want to remember him the way he was. 

I have heard that when you see a dead person you remember that image for the rest of your life, you can't remember them alive. I hate it. 

Finally they are burying him. The others are there. Only 5 turned up. I knew that she would come… Wufei, Trowa, Quatre Relena and myself. All were crying. Sobs wracked Quatre's light frame. Relena cried uncontrollably. Tears were rolling silently down Wufei and Trowa's cheeks. He was gone. I looked down at the coffin in the ground. "Now and forever" I whispered. "You'll be my hero and I will keep on loving you even after death…" I smiled sadly and looked around. Everyone was stunned by my words. I couldn't care less. 

**~*~**

Sitting here. Alone. 

If he was here I wouldn't be alone. I won't be alone, not any more. I take a swig from my third bottle of Vodka. Alcohol tastes so good after sorrow. 

It tastes like blood. 

I give a sorrowful laugh and place the not I have written on the table, where I knew they would see it. I take one last look at the photo f me with my friends, and the one I love. I smile sadly and grabbed the gun, took my last breath, cried my last tear and said my last vow. "Gone, now and forever, I love you…" I pull the trigger, just as images started to flood my brain, images of him. I loved him. I always did. 

**~*~**

_Dear Quatre, Trowa and Wufei. _

Do you have any idea how weird life is? I do. He loved me; I found that out earlier today, before his funeral. I could have said something to stop him from leaving, but for once in my life I kept my big mouth shut. Stupid huh? Well I have to go now. Quatre, you were a great friend, love you buddy. I really hope you and Trowa have a good life together. Trowa, you understood him better than anyone. I bet you can feel my sorrow, because trust me, I can feel yours. I really have nothing else to say to you. Good luck and please look after Kitty-Quat for me. Wufei, I know I was annoying and I am sorry for that. I really do know that you have been through a lot in your life. I just want you all to know that I love you all and that I am really sorry for having to do this. But it will put my mind at rest and I will finally be able to confess my love to him. One last favour before I leave. Please, burry me next to Heero so at last our love can be at rest. 

And can you please put this on my head stone? Gone, now and forever, love. 

Love your best friend. Duo Maxwell. 

~The letter is covered in tearstains and tiny droplets of blood.~ 

SAD! SAD! SAD! SAD! SAD! Damn too sad ~.~ Please review! I love reviews! No flames please *runs from pissed off Duo and Heero fans* 


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